I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
