i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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