Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
