yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
