Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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