I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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