In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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