I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
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In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
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I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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