I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
