Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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