We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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