my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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