I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
