you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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