The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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