Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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