i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
