Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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