"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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