If i come over, it means nothing
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
