This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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