You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
