A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
