I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
