dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
