His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
