I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
NoShamevember. You game?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
