I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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