he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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