JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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