Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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