I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
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