how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
This house was built for laser tag.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
