I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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