420 ftw
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
