You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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