The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
