he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
