you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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