i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
