I smell stomach acid.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
