If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
