All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
vagina is talking i cant
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
