Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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