I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
