Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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