if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
