no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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