Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
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you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
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I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.