U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.