i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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