She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
