He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
