I got chris browned last night
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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