I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
