My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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