Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
