low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
