I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
