You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
