she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
