do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
