My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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