It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
