Are we in a gay sports bar?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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