He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
