If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
