i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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