tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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