is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
